Constantly Calls Me a Geek!…

I have a boss that constantly picks on me, calling me a “geek” because I am in accounting, she has even asked if I’ve ever had a boyfriend, or said that she was sure I didn’t have any friends outside of work. She even does this in front of our whole company (17 employees) in meetings. And some of my coworkers laugh along with her. I cannot go to the owner of the company because my boss is his daughter. What can I do to get her to stop making fun of me?

Dear Accounting Professional,

In smaller companies, and especially in family-owned businesses, coworkers who are related, or have been together for a long time, enjoy a comfort and a dynamic, amongst themselves. Possibly, for this group, they joke with or tease one another with endearment and for plain fun. But no matter the reason, if you are truly uncomfortable with this, you simply must ask her to stop.  

I am ‘counting on you’ to give this ‘well-calculated’ NoBossHolesAllowed™ Play (‘NBA Play’), a chance. Here it is, word-for-word:

• Get her aside. Somewhere private and preferably not her office. Say, “Wanda, I need your help with something. Is this a good time to talk? It’ll take 8-10 minutes, max… “

• I bet you will be nervous. So say it. “I am kinda nervous, so please forgive me if this doesn’t come out perfectly. On several occasions, in front of others,  you have referred to me as a ‘geek,’ asked me if I had a boyfriend, or if I even have friends outside of the office.  While I suspect you never meant for these comments to be taken seriously, or for me to be sensitive about them, I actually am pretty sensitive about them. “

• “May I politely ask you to not tease me in that manner anymore?  Will that work for you?”

This can go one of two ways: She genuinely apologizes and assures you she will not do it again…or she doubles down and it gets worse. If the second of these possible outcomes is what happens, it is time to get out. Start looking for another job. And accountants are in super high demand!

What you have done here is known as ‘managing up’ or teaching your manager  how you want to be managed.

Let us know how it goes, and if this ‘NBA Play’ was a winner!