Q. For the last 4 years, I have worked for a medium sized company (about 100 employees) that serves the commercial real estate industry. The company is owned by two people who have been best friends for many years. They met in college, opened this business when the were in their late 20’s, and now, 30 years later, the company remains relatively successful. The problem is that these 2 owners (and life-long best friends) routinely argue and disagree in front of staff, in meetings, and over email (cc’ing employees that they each believe will ‘side with’ one or the other). Each will ‘recruit’ individual staff members to their side of the argument (‘you agree with me on this topic, don’t you?!’), attempting to get employees to take their side, and build ‘an army’ of us against the other. It feels like we, their employees, are being used as pawns in a power struggle, or tug of war.
It reminds me of a married couple, who are divorcing, each poisoning the kids against the other parent. I think the only reason this company has survived the 30 years they have been around is because they pay well, but turnover is nearly 50% every year. I love the work, really like my colleagues, appreciate the pay and benefits, but wow- I go home stressed by all the stupid games the owners play every day. And the craziest part- they seem to enjoy this ‘battle’ of opinions and pulling us into it. Their friendship is still strong. Should I quit? Or is there something I can do to change this workplace culture?
A. Dear Unwilling Tug-of-War Participant,
Whew! We feel your stress just reading your letter! One of the NBA Stars (our affectionate name for our staff members who read, and reply, to letters like yours) said, “Wow! That’s like having not just one BossHole, but two BossHoles to deal with everyday!” After some deliberation amongst us, the recommended NBA Plays are the following:
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NBA Play #1: Don’t play their game.
Use a light-hearted tone of voice and say, “Ha! I see what you did there! At times it’s fun to tap into each other’s sense of competition, but my thought is that we focus on exceeding the client’s expectations…That way we all win!? Let’s seek a win-win-win.”
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NBA Play #2: Offer a third point of view.
“I think another approach might be….:This way we all become one team and we can collaborate together toward a successful result.”
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NBA Play #3: Become a Project Team
A true Project Team comes together to achieve a specific result (example: completing a build out for a new tenant). They understand that they are a temporary team, who will disband once the project is completed. It is about assembling the right-fit people to achieve the expected result. The Project Manager is typically a peer, with great communication and motivational skills, rarely the owner or big boss. Of course, the project manager has to provide status updates to the owners, but it reduces exposure to the ‘warring team leaders.’
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NBA Play #4: Quit.
One of the NBA Stars who read your letter advised that, “Adults, who have been working together, and are friends for that long, rarely change.”
Let us know how it goes, and if any of these ‘NBA Plays’ was a winner!
Time for a CHANGE?
While we hope to provide you the confidence to address concerns with a bosshole on your own, we understand that it may seem too awkward or even risky. NoBossHolesAllowed™ partners with consulting firms to help organizations elevate their workplace cultures. Click here for more information.